Sarah Lehberger | Portrait Photographer | Fairfield County, CT » Celebrating the Dreamers and the Doers of the World

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Can Women Have It All?

I have struggled with this question for years. Why? Well, I think that at various stages of my life this question felt more like a dare. I dare you to answer this for all women. I dare you to define this for each and every one of us. It is such a weighted question, right?!

And there were times when I felt like my answer was, no. Other times I felt like the answer was, not all at once. There have also been times when my answer was, yes. Each time was different for me based on the circumstances, timing or the stage I was in. Either I was younger and working full time while trying to have kids, or a new mom who was also juggling a career with no free time on her hands, or at the place that I am now where my kids are all school aged and I have found personal fulfillment in both my career and motherhood.

I recently photographed Kelly, an Independent Consultant for Arbonne, for her professional headshots, and asked if she thought that women could have it all nowadays? She said, “yes, provided each woman takes the time to define what “it” is for them – family, career, faith, friends, wealth, health, abundance, and the list goes on. Just as each woman is truly unique, so is her definition of what it means to have it all.  When we truly accept that (for ourselves and each other), true success will be in reach for us all.”

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I agree with Kelly 100%, and she summed it up better than I have ever been able to. What I realize now, as my kids get older and my priorities have shifted (once again), is that I get to choose. Do you hear that ladies?

There is so much power in that! And it was the times when I was failing at choosing my priorities and setting healthy boundaries for myself,  that I was overwhelmed with life, work and motherhood the most. That’s when I felt like I had no balance. That’s when I was consumed by guilt and I felt like I couldn’t do it all or have it all.

I realized that I had tried to do everything, and in the process I lost sight of what mattered the most.

By saying yes to every social engagement or every volunteer opportunity or every chance to climb the corporate ladder or make more money, we are often times hurting ourselves. Society tells us that we need to have it all and show off our superhuman skills by also doing it all. And that we will be praised for our perfection. So we try to be the perfect mother, professional, spouse or partner, and then we feel like huge failures for not doing it all… well. So we come to the conclusion that we simply can’t have it all… because we have failed.

I want us to stop for a moment and challenge that way of thinking! What if our grandmother’s and mother’s definition of “having it all” is different than ours? What if we have confused the notion of “having it all” in recent years, with saying yes to it all and accepting society’s expectations of us? An article written a few years ago, by Anne-Marie Slaughter, took an interesting stance on this same topic and talked about the “man’s world” that our mothers and mentors warned us about. She made some great points in her article. I also felt that my Generation X perspective was a bit different. I am grateful for the opportunities that we have inherited from the women before us, and at the same time I think it is important that women in their 50′s, 60′s and 70′s try to understand that we (Gen X, Gen Y or Millennials) are working hard to make our own definitions or rules for having it all.

Today, having it all doesn’t necessarily mean that you are wearing a suit jacket, stilettos and perfect hair like the images we were shown years ago of working women. Nowadays, working moms might have a (home) office, (kitchen) conference room and (yoga pants) wardrobe that varies from one person and job to the next. You can see some of the images of working mothers that are slowly creeping into our media and perception, and this is a personal photography project that I want to tackle myself because Millennials and future generations need more role models showing them that it is okay to choose and to align your priorities with what makes you truly happy.

So I ask you this, what if having it all really means that you get to say no to the things that do not serve you or make you happy? What if having it all means that we are liberated to choose the things that bring us joy and fulfillment, whatever they may be? Here are some examples of what I mean. What if having it all means that you don’t reply to emails during dinner time because family time is sacred? What if having it all means that you’ve chosen to wake up at 5am so you can sneak in workouts or meditation (alone time) while everyone sleeps? What if having it all means that you choose one less networking event a month so you can enjoy a date night or moms night out? What if having it all means that instead of being your child’s room mom this year, you choose to mentor a young woman at your office? By taking stock of our lives and our priorities, and by setting healthy boundaries for ourselves, we get to decide what matters most.

It’s time that we start looking at the concept of having it all and accept that for today’s millennial woman, it isn’t about having or doing it all (at the same time).

Instead, it’s about having the freedom to choose what our (professional or personal) lives look like and being able to define what “it” is that will make her happiest. And if you are feeling overwhelmed, unhappy and like a failure who can’t find balance, than I challenge you to take a look at what you’ve chosen as your top priorities. Take a really good look at yourself and ask if you can change anything? Is your current situation really working for you and giving you personal fulfillment? Can you work closer to home or take a different position at a company that gives you more flexibility? Again, what do you need more of…is it time or money? Do you need influence or prosperity at this stage of your life…or is something pulling you in a different direction? Do you want to build meaningful relationships or build your status? Do you need to work that Sunday or can you choose family instead when that next job or lead comes in?

Life is about making choices. The choices might seem like they get harder as you age, and sometimes they do. It’s up to us to choose with intention because no one else can create the life of our dreams and the life that we want to live.

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So for those of you who are still feeling ashamed or torn about the idea of choosing, I urge you to think about this. It doesn’t matter who is disappointed when you say no to that volunteer position, or who takes pity when you leave that high paying job for an at-home direct sales position, or who wants to make you feel guilty for trekking through this new territory… because none of them live your life. You don’t need their permission or approval. You just need to figure out what will make you happiest.

Ladies, we need to start supporting each other in these hard choices and lift each other up because it really does take a village. We need to start accepting that what you need is not the same as what I need, and that is okay. We need to teach our daughters about creating healthy boundaries which was something I was never taught in school, church or at home. We need to empower younger generations to create the jobs that they cannot find, which will allow them the flexibility and commitment to their career and family that they so desire. We need to applaud each other for choosing boldly and for standing firm in our choices. Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand (D-N.Y.) shared her thoughts on this topic in a recent article and said, “all of us should be able to offer our experience, offer advice, and try to learn from one another.” I agree whole-heartedly with her.

We don’t have to feel alone, judged or ashamed, if we start working together to empower one another so we can be the best mothers and professionals that we can be! Success or fulfillment looks very different for each and every woman in this day and age, and that signifies our progress. I look forward to the time when this topic is no longer geared towards women only. As we continue to work towards gender equality, I do believe that this conversation will continue to evolve and once again the dynamics will change.

So tell me, where are you in your journey to having it all or defining what “it” is, and how can we support you? Has choosing been hard for you? Have you decided to set some new boundaries by saying no? Let’s keep the conversation going…

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Professional Headshots for Your New Endeavor – Portrait Sessions in Easton, Connecticut

When was the last time you had a really, great photo of yourself? I’m not talking about the selfie that you took with your kids on the beach, or the one where you have to crop out that arm around your shoulder from the group photo at your cousin’s wedding. Maybe you’ve actually had your photo taken professionally, except it was ages ago and your appearance (ahem, gray hair?) has changed some. It’s time… to do something for yourself and to show the world the real you.

I have some portrait sessions available between Mondays and Fridays the entire month of September and I’m running my first ever headshots “Back to School” SALE! Let’s get together (now that the kids will be in school and you can concentrate on you again) and create a portrait that you will be proud to share. I want to help you see the best version of yourself, so you can update that professional LinkedIn or social media profile picture. You deserve something that is better than the blurry photo taken on your mobile phone.

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If you are going back to work this fall, or working on a new direct sales position then hurry up and grab a session today! Heck, you might be taking a leap of faith by accepting a role on that non-profit board, or maybe you are finally ready to launch that business. Either way, I’m here to ease the pain of updating your professional photos. And, I know what you are thinking… “I’m not very photogenic. My favorite photos of myself are all candids.” Mostly everyone feels the same, and I hear this all the time. Usually it’s because they haven’t had the opportunity to get to know (or feel comfortable with) the person taking their photo, and so it results in an awkward moment and image. And if you were captured in a candid way, than most likely you let your guard down by simply not knowing that your picture was even being taken.

My goal is to work with you in such a way that you can relax and be yourself, all while letting your friendly smile and approachable personality shine through. With me, you can let your guard down and together we’ll laugh, talk about your passions and goals, and bring out the dreamer or the doer in your photographs.

I know what it’s like to take that step in a brave new world. I get you… the leap of faith taker, the aspiring trailblazer, ambitious innovator, empowering change maker, determined entrepreneur or courageous spirit. Your goals and dreams, they matter. So do YOU! It’s time you made this (and you) a priority.

Join me in Easton, CT at my studio office by clicking the session below or ask about my availability within Fairfield County or the NY Metro area for travel by emailing sarah {at} sarahlehberger {dot} com. (Note: this method of writing out (at and dot) is to protect against online spammers, you may use the normal formatting for the email address when writing.)

The details of this “Back to School” sale are as follows…

  • Your private headshot/portrait session will last up to 20 mins.
  • You will receive up to two (2) portraits in color (and black and white if you choose).
  • You will have download access to your high-resolution, retouched images provided in a private online gallery.
  • You are granted printing rights, social sharing and web use for your business or personal profiles.
  • Your cost is $150 plus CT sales tax. No additional fees, nothing extra.

Click here to book your 20 minute headshot session in Easton, CT during the month of September: $150 (regularly $250)

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 The fine print: The “Back to School” headshot/portrait sessions are for individuals ONLY. No couples, families, groups or on-site corporate locations. If you wish to schedule an on-site portrait session or personalized headshots (with multiple wardrobe or styling needs) at a location of your choice, please contact Sarah to discuss your options. I commit to only a limited number of weekday sessions per week and month, so I urge you to reserve your spot right away! Please also note that since your portrait sessions require a great amount of preparation to make it a success, your payment is not refundable or transferrable, if you cancel or decide to postpone your session less than 24 hours before your session. Once your payment is received, you will receive an email confirming your appointment and further details to make your portrait session a success.

I can’t wait to work with you, and I look forward to hearing about your exciting new endeavors!

 

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10 Things I Wish I Knew About CrossFit Before I Started

I’ve been hearing about the CrossFit (CF) craze for a few years now (at least). And like most people, I kept hearing about the hidden dangers, injuries or intense regimens that made me skeptical of the overall safety of the workouts. I never heard anything positive or remotely encouraging, until a year or two ago.

Friends of mine would talk about their CF transformation. I started to lean in and wanted to learn more. I’m a truth seeker by nature (once a journalist, always a journalist) and I knew there had to be more to it. After all, most of my military or law enforcement friends were now training at a CF gym and their wives started to join in as well, and a few of my old high school buddies were doing it for their body building and/or modeling careers. So there had to be some myths to all the controversy, right? No one wants to go into a gym to hurt themselves purposely, do they?

And I wondered, what about us regular people? Does it work for those of us non-athletes with a little (ahem) belly or junk in the trunk, or perhaps those of us who have not worked out (hard) since playing a sport in high school, or maybe those of us who have had children and are not able to lift anything heavier than a full baby carrier? I decided to go in and check things out for myself. I wanted to be objective. What I was about to find out would surprise me. Here are 10 things that I wish I knew about CrossFit before I started…

  1. You don’t need to look like a body builder to do CF. – There are people of all shapes and sizes with all different fitness goals. A good gym (often called a box) will assess your goals and have you take a beginner class for starters. Then you get to decide if it is right for you or if you are ready for the challenge.
  2. You don’t have to be an athlete to do CF. – Although once you join, you may start to see signs of the athlete within you. I know I did and I had forgotten what she looked like!
  3. You aren’t required to flip a tire larger than your body or lift an Olympic-sized barbell when you join. – Every gym varies on safety and it is VERY important to do your research. I can say that in my short time at CrossFit Tritown (under 6 months) I have yet to flip a tire or lift a barbell. My workouts are scaled to me and my abilities, and are not meant to push me to my breaking point. I would run in the opposite direction if you visit a gym that doesn’t put your health and safety first.
  4. You won’t be in competition with your group or classmates. – That’s right, you have classmates. And they aren’t the bullies from high school or gawkers that you avoid at other local gyms. They are real people who have real struggles just like you and I. They have body and weight issues, they have health issues, they have battle scars and wounds too. Your classmates will become some of your biggest encouragers, and it’s exactly what middle or high school gym should have felt like. You’ll find that the only person you will be in competition with is yourself.
  5. It’s not as expensive as I thought it would be. – My local gym is way cheaper, except I’m not looking to keep doing the same things I’ve been doing for the last 10-20 years (that didn’t work by the way). I’m putting my health first, and like most people who pay the roughly $150 a month, I know I need the coaches and team to hold me accountable. Plus, I value experts and hire them to handle certain areas of my home (cleaning, landscaping) or photography business (post production, design), and the same thing goes for my personal life (hairdresser, therapist). I have found that investing in the things that matter, makes all the difference!
  6. I won’t be forced to run long distances. – There is a cardio component to most CF gyms as well as an interval workout, and it varies depending on the location and owners so ask around. I’ve also heard that some gyms will run A LOT, while my current location will run a short distance for our warm ups and occasionally a 400 meter interval on a workout. It’s nothing that I can’t handle (note: I’ve had past knee issues) and those with injuries can modify or scale their warm ups/workouts with the help of the coaches.
  7. The terminology isn’t as scary or silly as it sounds. – Things such as WODs (workout of the day), Burpees, ball slams and Helen can actually be fun and challenging! It was totally empowering the first time I could say, “I kicked Helen’s ass today”! Yes, I was slow and yes, it was hard. And, you know what? I finished! (Note: Helen is a benchmarking workout, and much like running a 5k race or similar, the goal is to see how far you’ve progressed…and if you are getting fitter and developing speed or power over time.)
  8. It’s not a cult. – Like every new fitness craze, outsiders may consider it a cult until they try it or learn more. Here are some examples you can probably relate to: Jazzercise, Tae Bo, Zumba, SoulCycle, Pure Barre and many more. Plus, while you are working out, the coaches give you options to scale and you are allowed to speak up and say things like, “my knee doesn’t feel right…or I’m not comfortable with this equipment…or am I doing this right?”, etc.
  9. I won’t lose my soft touch. – Early on, I told a friend that I didn’t want to give up my lady hands, and replace them with callused or torn hands (which happens often for gymnasts, lifters, etc.). She didn’t have a solution for me, but my coach (Garvin) did! He introduced me to Callus Armor, which has been my saving grace and I use it now before each workout!
  10. You don’t realize the power of community, until you experience it while working out. – There’s a reason why I never wanted to work (solo) with a personal trainer. Because misery loves company… and I don’t want to be the only one sweating! I admit it, I want to have a group of people to laugh with while I’m working out and looking like a sweaty fool and trying my hardest to increase my strength and abilities. A whole group of coaches, classmates and athletes all cheering me on and vice versa? It is worth its weight in gold! You feed off of each other’s energy, drive and determination! I never got that from a cycling, Zumba or other standard gym class before, and quite frankly no one gave a damn about me or my progress.

My journey into CrossFit is unique, although I’m sure that others can relate. I’m 38, and I’m not completely out of shape nor have I ever run any kind of marathon. I’m somewhere in the middle. While in high school, I suffered a knee injury one season which sidelined my track, soccer and dance performances a bit. That injury has followed me for the rest of my life and I’ve always made excuses about why I can’t or won’t do something because of it. It also gave me permission to gain weight for the first time in my life during college. Yup, this old skinny girl (who was teased most of her youth) had finally put on 15-20 pounds. Not a big deal for most people, and yet for me it was. For the first time in my life I could feel normal and like I fit in. I could hide behind those pounds from the body shaming that had followed me years earlier.

And then after college came marriage and kids. I certainly didn’t expect to gain over 65 lbs. with each kid. I was considered high risk and on full restrictions from my doctor with each pregnancy. The weight gain was a result of not being able to exercise during this time AND I enjoyed every second of indulging then too. Then, I was done having babies. The weight made it that much harder to get strong post c-section and hernia surgeries, and I started having severe back pain when I was on my feet for long hours during work.

Fast forward to this past year. I was mostly happy with my weight, finally down to my goal of 125 pounds (I’m 5 feet and 5 inches tall). So what’s the one thing that has bothered me most recently? I have felt weak, fragile, and like my body was trying to tell me something. It took some health scares and personal struggles to wake me up. I decided that my excuses needed to stop. It was time to get healthy again. It was time to stop hiding behind the extra weight, the knee and my own self.

It is time to own my strong and to give myself permission to be a fierce woman and athlete again! Who cares if I’m “too” skinny and have a small upper body? I was born this way and I’m okay with it. I’ve got a baby belly that tells the story of two incredible births and hips to hold my children on. I’ve also got these new “guns” and strong shoulders, thanks to CrossFit, that I had only dreamed of before.

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Let’s be honest. My workouts aren’t pretty (thank goodness there are no mirrors in the gym!!!). And I still have a long way to go. My core is shot from having babies via c-section, so I am working hard to strengthen this area again. Mostly, I don’t want to feel like the victim of my body and its limitations. Sometimes I think that my body betrayed me. Although it is likely the other way around. And right now, I wan’t to tell my tumor, 3 nodules and crazy thyroid hormones to go to hell because they will not get the best of me. I will get the best of me, and so will the people I love. I want my children to see my transformation and for them to learn that they, too, can be fearless and do anything that they set their minds to.

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Thinking back to my first day walking into CrossFit Tritown, I knew it was meant to be. They had this “unstoppable” sign hanging on the wall, and I knew it right then and there. This would be the next step in my unstoppable journey. The owner, Kevin, and every single one of the coaches has exceeded my expectations and they have turned me into a CrossFit believer. The community and support I’ve received from all of my classmates makes me feel like I am part of a team while on this journey. It has inspired me and empowered me to keep going. Everyone deserves to find a health, fitness and athletic community like this one. I only wish I had known all of this earlier and started sooner!

Do you know of a great CrossFit community near you? Did you have a similar experience finding one? Feel free to comment below and share the location and/or tag the people that inspire you!

PS – Thanks to Ashley and Garvin who took these iPhone photos for this post! :-) And if you are still curious and want to see more of what goes on inside the gym, follow along on Instagram here @cftritown.

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A Love Letter to the Father of My Children

I’m guilty of getting you a tie for Father’s Day, or that tent so you could camp out in the backyard during the summer with the kids. Every year I try to be a creative gift giver, and this year I decided that it’s time I give you something more meaningful.

You see, while the kids were these young, toddler hurricanes, I was too exhausted to tell you how grateful I was for you. I knew you worked hard to provide for us and to make sure that we all had what we needed to survive, and I was just as busy doing the same that I didn’t think I needed to acknowledge it. I assumed you would know how I felt. I was wrong.

So I want to say it out loud. I am grateful for every single minute that you devote your attention to our kids. From the minute you wake up and set out their cereal bowls until the second that you come home and tuck them into bed at night, I take notice and I appreciate all that you do. You don’t have to join in on our dance parties, read one more book to our son, or help our Mad Lib crazed daughter finish her latest fill-in-the-blank story… but you do and it matters to all of us.

Thank you for stepping up. For changing diapers in the family restroom at Target. For taking the morning off to read in their classrooms. For getting out of work early because their team needed a coach that afternoon. For watching their performances and cheering them on despite the score or the outcome. Because when all is said and done, this is what they will remember and this is what makes my heart grow fonder.

Father Coaches Son in Little League Game

Years from now, they won’t remember that deal that you closed, or that case that your firm won, or the long hours that you put in to pay for their summer camp. What they will remember, is that you showed up to give them support, love and attention. I will remember too, and so I will say now (what I didn’t say in my fog back then) that I appreciate all the sacrifices that you make to be present, and to fully engage in their lives.

I know that your time is limited and the demands on your schedule are intense (and sometimes seem endless). I know that there have been times when we have seen our family and our careers as competing parts of our lives. And I want you to know that when we have chosen family as the priority, those have been the happiest days of my life.

Father Coaches Son in Little League Game Collage

We have certainly had our challenges as parents and spouses over the years. 

I see your efforts. I see your sacrifices. I see you coming through for them.

I see your…

  • boo boo kissing
  • pancake making
  • monster under the bed scaring
  • “let it go” singing
  • fire fly watching
  • fort building
  • discipline giving
  • vomit wiping
  • baseball catching
  • back handspring supporting
  • breast stroke teaching
  • broken toy fixing
  • snowboard riding
  • garden planting
  • rocket ship launching
  • Lego building
  • tear drying
  • dream encouraging

… and so much more!

Your children may not be able to express their gratitude for all of your efforts in those moments, but I can. Thank you for showing up, loving them unconditionally, and for making your family (their future and well-being) a priority. Thank you for recognizing that I also have career and other goals, and that I am a much happier person when I get to co-parent vs. do it all. Thank you for working hard to be an amazing Father to my children, and even if I don’t say it every day… I hope you’ll know that I appreciate everything that you do.

Signed,

Your Grateful Wife

PS – If you know of or have a special husband or partner (father or father-figure) who could use some acknowledgement and appreciation for showing up, please feel free to tag them in the comments and include the things that you “see” him doing. Let’s add to the list above, and recognize them for all that they do. 

xo,

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Calling all Warriors: A Note on Life, Loss and Moving Forward

I wasn’t prepared for this. I mean, I knew that 40 was on the horizon, I just wasn’t expecting all of this loss, tragedy and heartbreak before that big milestone.

My Mom used to tell me, “don’t grow up too fast, Sarah. It’s hard being an adult”. I couldn’t really hear what she was trying to say back then. I always felt somewhat invincible (it’s a teen thing, right?), and I just wanted to live life on my own terms. Until tragedy struck at our small town high school and it jolted me into realizing just how fleeting this life can be.

I quickly learned that pain and loss are universal feelings and experiences. It is one of the times when we can put ourselves into someone else’s shoes and have great empathy for them. The circumstances may be different. The relationship or the connection is different. The memories you shared and cherished are certainly different. And yet the feeling of immense pain, heartbreak or loss… that we can all relate to at some point in time.

So here I am, finally wrapping my head around those words that my Mom told me all those years ago. I get it now. She couldn’t tell me back then that you would experience death, tragedy, heartbreak, betrayal and incredible loss before you are ready for it. That it could happen frequently. That it would almost always be unexpected. That it might take your breath away. That it could paralyze you with fear. That your fear might turn into depression or anger. That you might have to fight your way out of the darkness to survive.

I’m not sure if anyone can prepare you for…

  • the loss of loved ones to suicide, car accidents or other tragic events.
  • the anxiety you feel after experiencing traumatic stress, acts of terrorism, natural disasters or random acts of violence.
  • the harsh reality that loved ones will lose their babies.
  • the amount of funerals that you will attend for friends who have become widow/ers.
  • the betrayals from those closest to you and of whom you trusted most.
  • the fact that cancer doesn’t discriminate.
  • the moment when your parent(s) become ill and/or you need to care for them.

You are never ready to experience any of these I suppose. I certainly never expected to face them all (mostly) before I turned 40. Philosopher Roland Barthes says that “love is the romantic solution to the problem of death”. I suppose I find some truth to that, and it’s probably why I feel so much joy and fulfillment in photographing families now (and weddings in the past). Surrounding myself with love became the solution to my heartache. It filled the void. It eased the pain.

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I’ve also come to realize that the greater the attachment I had to the person, the greater the pain. The greater the shock or dismay in the circumstances, the greater the loss felt for me. I’ve also learned that I have to believe in second (or third or fourth) chances at happiness. I trust that I can fight my way back through personal empowerment. If all else fails, I will pave a new road when all other paths lead to continued fear, pain and suffering. And I admit that therapists should be on speed dial, and as acceptable (and as routine) as going to your primary care physician.

It has taken me a few months to find the courage to write again. To find my new normal. To find my words. To share what’s in my heart. I’ve been moving through a really transformational time and learning to move forward again. I’ve been working on my healing and regaining my strength. So it caught me off guard when I woke up on June 1st and suddenly found myself struggling to breathe. The anxiety had begun to creep in again. It’s hard to explain the short gasps of air and the tears that come unexpectedly to someone who has never experienced anxiety or a panic attack. It simply removes your ability to think clearly or breathe. And it hit me that as I was feeling these things, I wasn’t alone. There were so many others who were fighting this darkness. So many others who are feeling a loss right now.

Two years ago this June the world lost an amazing man, Eric Langlois. I wasn’t one of his closest friends, and yet his disappearance, our search for him and ultimately his death will remain with me forever. The experience serves as another reminder that this life passes by too quickly. It also reminds me of the devoted and affectionate spouse, mother, family member and friend that I want to be. It reminds me that having a community is far more important than we want to admit. It reminds me that I need to work hard to thrive (in my daily life) because I was not put here only to survive. It reminds me that I need to use my gifts and find fulfillment while I have the chance to. It reminds me that I want to experience an exhilarating life. It reminds me that we are so deserving of joy.

Eric would have wanted all of us to live life to its fullest potential. Your loved ones would have wanted that too. Life’s harsh realities are not meant to keep us down. They are meant to teach us and shape us into the individuals we were destined to become. It’s up to us to find out WHO that is and to move forward.

(I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments here so please do share!)

How do you move forward? How do you grieve, let go, feel the emotions, deal with your suffering, and embrace the changes? Here are a few things that continue to help me during these times of loss and pain…

  • choose your thoughts wisely, they dictate your emotional responses
  • allow yourself to be overwhelmed by the circumstances, not a victim of them
  • seek comfort and support from loved ones/your tribe/a sisterhood/homies
  • give yourself time to heal and to mourn the loss
  • learn to ask for help, even if you don’t know how because you are used to being the helper
  • be patient with the pace of your recovery
  • talk to someone you trust and/or find a therapist who can help
  • recognize all the joy that is present in your life and hold on tight to that, and when possible – celebrate it!
  • practice gratitude, for each and every thing that you take for granted
  • accept the event(s) for what they are, the ever-unfolding dance of life
  • remind yourself that there is so much more adventure ahead, and even if you can’t see it – believe in it!

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Love and light my friends! This is me with one of my tribes. Out of the darkness, we can move forward together…

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